In just a couple of weeks I will be moving with my family
back to my hometown. I never believed I
would be moving back to where I’m from; especially for the reason we are moving
there. I have been examining my life in
an effort to better understand just how we have ended up where we are.
One thing I’ve discovered is that I had failed to
appreciate where I grew up. Many moments,
places, people, and experiences that have shaped who I am have roots firmly
planted in Collinsville, Illinois. But,
while I lived there, I carried a lot of feelings of bitterness toward the place. I realize there are a lot of people who
have similar feelings toward the town they grew up in; people who blame their
misery on where they live, and desire to leave because they feel like they
could be better and do better somewhere else.
Time has taught me, though, that my feelings were wrong.
I always treated Collinsville as a place to escape from,
as if I had been sentenced to live within its boundaries for a certain number
of years, and to leave would be like being paroled - finally having the chance
to do something with myself. It was
always about the next step, and the next step was always "outta there". I always looked at what I could gain while I
was there, without even a hint of consideration for what I could give
back. Maybe I didn’t think I had anything
to offer; but the reality is I was just too selfish to consider it. The
familiarity with every street, and knowing how to get everywhere from anywhere
in town, made me feel like I was suffocating.
I blamed my town for the way I partied every weekend in high school because I
thought “There is nothing else to do in
this stinkin’ town.” It’s ironic how I continued
to live that way even after I was gone.
Clearly, I was the problem.
I never appreciated the people either. Somehow I lived there among them, but didn’t
consider myself one of them. It was
like, “I’m only here for a little while so there is no reason to invest in
anyone besides myself.” I never
consciously had those thoughts, but the way I lived showed that is what I
believed. The differences that exist in
the people that call Collinsville home went unnoticed and unappreciated while I
lived there.
I believe that we all do the best we can, based on what
we know; but when we know better, we have a responsibility to do better. That’s what I want to do. I serve a God of second chances and I believe
He is giving me a second chance to do better; to be a better son, brother,
grandson, nephew, uncle, and friend than I was when I lived there before. He’s put in me a desire to love those streets
I grew up on and the people who live on those streets. I have a desire to see people, families, and
neighborhoods transformed by the love of Jesus.
These desires are evidence that I have been made new. They weren’t there before and I sure wouldn’t
have come up with them on my own. My
motivation has changed from living to make my name great to living to make
great the name of Jesus. It may sound
crazy to those who don’t understand, but that’s okay. Once upon a time, I thought it was crazy
too. I am not coming back home as
someone who knows it all and has life figured out. I am coming back home as someone who believes
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who
lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of
God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” | Galatians 2:20. This is a truth that has shifted my
motivation and desires and I cannot wait for my wife and children to get to
Collinsville and fall in love with it the way I have.
Blessings y’all…
Kory
No comments:
Post a Comment